Anger: It's What's for Supper

A few months back, I scored some free passes to Disney. For a guy on a church planter's salary, that's a big deal (Kudos to my good friend, another church planter putting bread on the table by driving buses at Disney). I took my twin boys and we had a blast. Mind you, it was a monsoon...and cold. This is rare in Florida, but we get a few days that make us appreciate the other 360 perfect ones. We were not deterred by the rain and cold. We were committed. We had already crossed the line of departure and the gates of hell would not prevail. We prayed it up and had a blast...soaking wet, laughing, giggling, running through puddles, hitting the rides, IT WAS THE STUFF THAT WOULD MAKE A FORMER MARINE PROUD. We even enjoyed the Little Mermaid show...because we smuggled in some chow and warmed up, covertly making fun of every song. The stuff memories are made of...


As we exited the show, we couldn't help but notice one of the saddest scenes I've ever witnessed. A father had his seven year old corned and standing over him, way over him like a towering bully, and publicly shamed him for expressing his discomfort and obvious lack of zeal over the rain (note to dads...seven year old express their discomfort in a lot of ways...crying, complaining, throwing a fit, whatever). Not that training to overcome isn't important. It is. My point is how the Father was going about it. He called him a baby with at least a million boys watching. He told him to "stop crying and acting like a baby." He made him feel stupid and used his role as Dad to humiliate his son rather than lovingly and gently train him. Make no mistake, there was anger in the Father's eyes but something much more heartbreaking in the son's: despair and a broken spirit that will inevitably give way to anger over time.

This pattern, left alone, destroys a healthy transition to manhood and will ultimately leave your child filled with rage.

Here's what the Word of God says about this: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
(Ephesians 6:4 ESV)

The Greek word in the original text is parorgizete and it means "to make angry", "make resentful... to cause someone to become provoked or quite angry". Dad's, you can't serve anger to your kids. They need to be nurtured in the Word, both in actions and in the clear teaching of scripture.

Here are some things to be on the look out for...

1. You can serve up a plate of anger when... you fail to demonstrate biblical love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a). Serving up anger looks like...

• Impatience: Expectations that are beyond your child's capability...(cf. 1 Cor13:4; Gal 5:22; Ephes 4:1-2; Col 1:9-12, 3:12)
• Unkindness: withholding something your child needs because your are to preoccupied with yourself (cf. 1 Cor 13:4; Gal 5:22, Eph 4:32; Phil 2:3-4; 2 Tim 2:24; Titus 2:4-5)
• C. Bragging: "When I was your age, I never cried." (cf. Prov 27:2; Rom 1:30; 1 Cor 13:4; 2 Cor 10:18)
• Unbecoming actions: like towering over your child and publicly disgracing him/her......the Disney example (cf. 1 Cor 13:5; Eph 4:29)

You can serve up a plate of anger when you don't look like Jesus! (1 Tim 4:12)

• Speaking to your child in an unwholesome manner : Like name calling or any other from of abuse...(cf. Eph 4:29; Col 4:6).
• Comparing your child to others to show him the ways in which he does not measure up to your standards and making him feel like a failure (cf. 2 Cor 10:12, 17-18)
• Being a fake or a liar...(cf. Matt 5:37; Eph 4:15, 25; Col 3:9)
• No training in the Word God or discipline...(Prov 13:24, Heb 12:5-7)
• Lacking transparency: failing to own your failures (1 John 1:9)

Nurturing your child by serving the Word and demonstrating Christ "in you" can be done by...

• Spending time in the Word with them daily, praying, and teaching in a way consistent with scripture (Dt 6:6-7)
• Listening, taking the time to hear them...(1 Cor 13:4-5; Phil 2:3-4; James 1:19)

Men, we need to work diligently to train our children by serving them the gospel in our actions and our words and by the power of the gospel in our own lives stop serving up anger!

Love, its what's for supper!